Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
