my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
