I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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