i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
