Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Randomize
