I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
