just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
