Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize