ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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