So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
