I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
