Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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