K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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