Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Found the puke drawer
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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