remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
