i can't believe i had my finger in that
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
