This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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