He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
