Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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