Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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