On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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