Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
