I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize