Apparently you make a good broom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need a beard to bite.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
