i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
