The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
