I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
