Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
