I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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