Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
