I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
