I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
