just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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