Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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