Sober January is a disaster.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize