Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
