Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
