You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize