My sheets look like a crime scene.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
