when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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