And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
