He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
