So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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