Christians are straight up FREAKS
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
