I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
