I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
