I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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