you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
