im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
