I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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