Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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