I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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