My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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