I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
