True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize