I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
