Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
