I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
