don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
