They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Umm I'm too high to move.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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