So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All the doctor said was why
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
