The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
