yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
